Then How the Reindeer Loved Him…(Part One)

I’m not usually one to do an about-face in my opinion of someone that I dislike without a face-to-face encounter with them. I have a really hard time disliking people that I’ve spent time with…unless they’re just genuinely bad people. But, that happens very rarely, almost never. Once I’ve met you, even if it takes some Indiana Jones style archeology, I can find the good in anybody or at least a really compelling rationalization for the bad.

It’s sometimes very hard to reconcile my relativist tendencies with my staunchly Christian personal values. For instance, I’m a 30-year-old virgin, because pre-marital sex is destructive, distracting, and wrong. As a matter of fact, if I never get married, I solemnly swear to die a virgin. No hail-Mary, deathbed tryst with a prostitute for me. However, if I see that’s the direction I’m headed, I may have to recant my disavowal of masturbation sometime in my late forties. Yes, it’s TMI, but as a blog subscriber you’re reading people’s innermost thoughts, so plan on occasionally coming across stuff that should have stayed more inner. But, I digress from my original digression vis-à-vis relativism.

Anyway, I’m a relativist. I can stand on the promises and the prohibitions of the Word of God, because I have His Spirit living inside of me. If I know that you don’t have His Spirit, I’m not looking to you to live up to Jesus’ standard. I’m just praying you can stay alive long enough to meet Him. Because, even though I am a Christian and have the Holy Spirit, my “stand” can sometimes bear a striking resemblance to “hanging on for dear life.”

This reality can be, in the words of Dave Chappelle, a little flimsy. And, forget what you heard: being a Christian can sometimes make it harder. I couldn’t imagine trying to do this by myself. If it weren’t for God, I would be dead, dumb, crippled, crazy, or some combination of the four. But, because of God, I have the assurance that I’m never alone and never without love and EVENTUALLY things will work out. So, I have joy and peace before, during, and after the bad times, and I have a lot of really great times and great things due entirely to God. Those people who are trying to go it alone have my utmost sympathy. And if every once in a while, you need some sex or some drink or a puff of something or an extra slice of cake, I’m not mad at you. Again, it’s destructive, distracting and wrong, it won’t be me and it doesn’t have to be you, but I understand.

In my relativist worldview, there’s almost a separate spectrum for politicians. There’s good to bad for regular human behavior, then there’s so-so to abominable for politicians. That’s why when Christian Conservatives started acting like Clinton was The Anti-Christ for having and lying about an extra-marital affair, I was more shocked by them. There was all this talk of his leading children astray by modeling dishonesty and sexual immorality, and misrepresenting our nation’s Christian values before a world audience. My first thought (after I realized they were serious and stopped laughing) was, if your children are using a politician as a moral compass, you need to climb down off that soapbox and go pray about your parenting decisions. Like Chris Rock said, “He’s not Reverend Clinton.” And even if he was, our example of how to live is supposed to be our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Bill Clinton is cool people, but he’s not Jesus.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Tune in next time, when I’ll continue to meander slowly toward a point.