What are you afraid of?

Here's another song. This one is called "Drifting Away" by Garth Brooks, a remake of Cece Winan's "The Wind". Here are the lyrics:

With all of my heart I know I can love you
With all of my soul I'm drifting away
With all of my mind I know you can save me from myself and anything else

With all of my strength I wanna reach out for you
With every breath I call out your name
With every step I just want to turn around and say make it okay

But I'm so afraid that you've forgiven me one too many times
And I'm so afraid to give my heart again just to have a change of mind
I'm not quite sure that you can trust me and I would hate to have you find me again
Like the wind
Drifting away

It blows and nobody knows where it's going to
It blows and nobody knows what it's gonna do

With all of my heart I know I've disappointed you
And although I'm real sorry I don't know how to say it this time
But if I were to lose you I know, I know I'd go completely out of my mind
I'm running out of time

And I'm so afraid that you've forgiven one too many times
And I'm so afraid to give my heart again just to have a change of mind
And I'm not quite sure that you can trust me and I would hate to have you find me again
Like the wind
Drifting away

It blows and nobody knows where it's going to
It blows and nobody knows what it's gonna do
At night you can hear it cry
As the teardrops fall from heaven's eye
And somehow you know it's true
These tears that fall
Could be falling for you

This was one of those songs that I spent an hour or so memorizing, so that I could sing it as I walked. For me, it is a very powerful and honest profession of my faith in God in spite of doubts about myself.

I have learned so much recently about God's trust in me. Like his love, it doesn't make sense. I want it to so badly. Even though it would be the death of me, I want God's love and trust to make sense, to be fair, to be something that I get because I deserve it. I want to feel worthy of the incredible gifts he's given me.

But God has been patiently teaching me, assuring me and reassuring me that he doesn't love me because I'm worthy. I am worthy because he loves me.

I'm starting to get it. Thanks, God.