Sunday, December 10, 2006

More Fred (Part One)

I started off this morning with an overwhelming barrage of thoughts: friends; church; plans for the day, the month, the rest of my life. All good stuff, but my initial purpose in starting up that train of thought was prayer. I wanted to talk to God, but I ended up talking to my friends and myself. It's been happening a lot more often lately, and it's a little troubling.

For me, it's more evidence that my heart is divided. God has given me so much, more than I could possibly explain in words, including the things that are now distracting me from him. All he asked for in return was my heart, and I am having a hard time giving him that. It's most evident in how I spend my time. For years, I had a schedule that included him, now that time has been given to my friends and my church work. All good stuff, but...

So, I stopped trying to pray. Instead, I spent some time in meditative worship. I turned off my phone, so that I wouldn't be interrupted by the call that I was expecting from a friend of mine. Then, I turned on some music - a mix of mellow Fred Hammond tunes - and closed my eyes.

As I listened, I tried to envision myself standing, singing before Jesus on the cross as I often do. Nothing came. I thought, "Crap, I must be further gone than I thought."

The image of the cross came in time, first empty, then with Jesus on it. I sang. Then my mind kind of went off in it's own direction. The vision went differently than it ever had before.

Usually, I'm alone, singing and kneeling or standing. This time, I was surrounded by a crowd of people. I sang, then they started singing along. As the song reached it's climax, the crowd chopped the cross down. They broke it off of its foundation, then carried it flat on their shoulders. As we walked away from Calvary, we raised the cross with Jesus on it, and marched singing into the city. It was pretty cool.


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