"I don't buy it."

I have a couple of good friends who have taken to saying "I don't buy it" whenever something I say doesn't quite jibe with their somewhat idiosyncratic sensibilities. I literally want to shoot them every time they say it. In part, because it's often the response to a relatively innocuous statement based on some common-sense concept. For instance, I told one of them that I occasionally supplement my deodorant with body powder and it helps absorb excess perspiration. "I don't buy it." BANG!

In his inimitable way, God used my homicidal frustration as a teaching tool to show me my own hypocritical idiocy. God's will is full of principles rooted so firmly in logic and love that it's hard to believe anyone would question them, let alone disobey them. Yet so often, in my words and my actions, I say "I don't buy it."

The idea that anyone would question the moisture absorbing properties of a talc based substance is positively mind-boggling to me. But, isn't it equally ridiculous that I would question the idea that not forgiving someone would eventually put a strain on our relationship? Isn't it equally ridiculous that I would question the fact that someone who left a lifestyle more posh than I could imagine to die a horribly painful death just for me might actually love me?

The other reason that the I-don't-buy-it's piss me off so much is the subtext of "if it doesn't make sense to me, it doesn't make sense." The unmitigated arrogance!Granted, this also stokes some issues that I have with pride and wanting to be agreed with, but let's just focus on the unmitigated arrogance.

I accept the fact that God's thoughts are higher than mine. That's one of the myriad reasons that he's God and I'm not. Still, I sometimes feel like I need to perfectly understand what he says before I can agree with it or act on it. Say it with me: the unmitigated arrogance!

Oddly enough the litmus test for sin is much less stringent. Even after I accept that something I have done is wrong, I'll still do it. I'll bemoan it, I'll lament it, I'll despise it. I'll do everything but agree with it and feel like doing it. But, it still manages to get done. A lot of the stuff that God wants me to do, however, will not get done until I "buy it." It's like Paul says, I do the evil I don't want to do, but I don't do the good I want to do.

I won't love until I feel like it. I won't share until I agree with the concept. I won't sacrifice until I understand the underlying principles. I won't change until we agree to the terms of the process. I won't forgive until I see the findings of the cost-benefits analysis.

Luckily, God is patient and merciful, and he loves me. So, when I say I don't quite believe what he says, he lovingly answers, "I don't buy it."