Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Prayer Dare: Day #18

So, I got to work on time, as you know. And as you also know, that's pretty much where things ended. I accomplished a lot today, but it wasn't what I planned. I wrote the Day Away report. I did most of the stats for the DiNAS report.
It would only take a few hours to write, I just can't sit still and do it. Part of the problem is that I'm tired. Having a life will be the death of me. I love everything I do, but I need to rest. I need to take a week off and do nothing. Just come home and watch movies [which reminds me, don't let me forget to sign up for the free Netflix trial]. But, there isn't an end in sight to the work. I didn't go out tonight and I still got home at 8. I know that I should listen to you, and I know that your will allows me to do everything [well, most things - Cambio Corsa:)] I want to and still take care of myself. I know you call it the "narrow way," but there's so much room, there's so much freedom. How do I forget that? Why can't I just do it your way the first time? It all comes down to what Lisa was saying about grace, but you know that grace is something that I have for other people. You're the only person I know who can balance the whole control and grace thing. I suck at it. Not that I'm supposed to be trying to balance them. I'm not, technically, supposed to be clinging to control for dear life. But, hey, that's why you have the grace :) Anyway, help me to be gracious to myself. I'm not under any delusions of grandeur or perfection, but I still manage to shock myself every so often when I make mistakes. Like I'm not allowed to or something. You are the perfect model of love. You never call the wrong I do right, but you never call me wrong. Help me to love me the way you love me. Heck, if I could just love me the way I love others, I'd be doing pretty well. Anyway, I...Let me...Help me to see your face in mine. All of it. The adoring smile, the fatherly scowl, the royal diadem, the crown of thorns. All of it. Let me understand what each one means to me, and what it says about me. Help me to believe it. You love me unconditionally, and I love you back.

Goodnight and sweet dreams.


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